I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
