you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
time to smoke my breakfast
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
