I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
