that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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