Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im holly from the hills drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
