My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
