our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
