You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
