Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My penis needs a shock collar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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