I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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