I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
