And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize