i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize