in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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