I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize