i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
