You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
