you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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