Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
