he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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