After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
