Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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