Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
