from now on my penis is your penis
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
