I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
