i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
