we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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