It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
