Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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