it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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