Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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