She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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