Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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