My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
