I love black thongs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
