i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
