I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
