it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
