It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
