Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
