He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
