I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
