I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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