I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
