i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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