I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
