If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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