Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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