I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't turn off my feet"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
