Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
