tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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