Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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