i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
