Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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