Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
