I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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