My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
