She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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