I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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