I'm so fucking centered right now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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