I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
