genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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