nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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