She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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