I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone came in the potted fern
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
