i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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