My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
