anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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